ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ISSUE ZERO: ChemicalRobotiks: Fast Food

FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Thursday, August 13, 2009

ISSUE ZERO: ChemicalRobotiks: Fast Food

This is a haiku about McDonald's, and may very well be the best I've ever written on the subject. Based on a true story...

"A cheese burger, now" (5)
I scream at the bitch in charge (7)
"shut the fuck up, sir" (5)

Here's another funny story about my experiences in a fast food resturant, also a McDonalds. One day, after comming down with the 100 proof flu, I found myself in a Mcdonald's, front of the line and ready to order. I was feeling pretty shitty and figured it was a chicken burger kind of day. Everything seemed to be looking up and at this moment I began to feel a little better. "ummm...can I get a chicken burger and fries" I said to the woman at the counter. Well, without missing a beat she said "that shirt makes you look gay." Thinking back, I can't remember which shirt it was, or if it did in fact make me look gay, but I do remember that it pissed me off, and, being hung over and all, anything was bound to come out of my mouth. Now, in a perfect world I would have projectile vomited right at that moment in her face. I'm sorry to say I didnt, it seemed that that day was one of the few when my stomach was able to hold up. But, what I did come up with was this, "no, I'm gay because I fuck your father in the ass when your mother is out of town." Bam, I was on top again. If your wondering, no, im not gay, but I will say almost anything to shit in someones breakfast. At that moment she looked like someone had given her a gift warpped box of shit for christmas, human shit. Me on the other hand, I felt like Mike Tyson punching out a sleeping infant. It was great. Needless to say, I was asked to leave, without the chicken burger. And whats the moral of that story you ask, "Ignorance begets Ignorance" or "dont fuck with me when I'm hung over you dumb bitch"

It's strange. I often get into altercations like this one in fast food resturants and at this point I dont know if it's the food or the people that gets me going. Maybe it's both. Either way, hope you enjoyed the story