ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: ChemicalRobotiks: Fire Arts Festival 08

Well, I was in San Francisco for the last two weeks but got to check out some really cool stuff. The Fire Arts Festival is held each year in Oakland by The Crucible. It is a festival populated mostly by burning man supporters and artists and acts as a place to show off their creations. This is the first time I have attended this event but I was totaly blown away by some of the pieces on display. Here is a short movie covering just a few of the more interesting attractions. ENJOY

Monday, July 21, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE

3790 AND CLIMBING

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE reviews JACK BROOKS; MONSTER SLAYER

This might come as a surprise to some, but I can refrain from using violence to solve problems. For others, like jack Brooks, it's the solution to everything from tripping over or trying to open a bottle. Imagine, like I can, instead of casually having a disagreement with someone, punching that someone in the throat.

Jack Brooks: Monster slayer is the fuckin funnest shit I've seen since the look on that persons face when I whizzed by them too close on a near-broken bike with a head full of poison and holding a Heineken bottle full of wine at midnight. I know what your thinking...
"How could it be funnier than that?!"
Lets put it this way, the first ten minutes at the screening I thought there's no way this could actually be this funny, and with my history, it could easily have been a mirage, but no, it was I-think-a-piece-of-my-abdomen-split-free-and-dropped-into-my-nutsack-funny.
Having a rage issue was never this funny.

Well, maybe.

(I promised my girl I would omit a less-than-savoury comment prepared for someone I suspect would've read this soon, who probably woulda been to highnmighty to realize it was about them, so I'm saving it to tell them later.)

Anyways. The Canadian film industry is pretty much invisible, and I'll give you a hearty applause if you can name the last Canuck flick you went to see in an actual theater, in Canada.
Yeah, see? Just like our music industry, the film community is floated by numbers. In the first weekend of a movies release, the revenue goes to the head and the Suits behind the curtain let it stay longer in the theaters under the pretence that the film will produce even more revenue, not that it will, or because they want to raise their own up, but because they suck.

Opening this friday, the 25th, in Toronto and the other five cities in this country, (jusfukinroundwichya) Jack Brooks:Monster Slayer is with a little help, cuz it don't need it, going to become a leatherbound volume in the annals of Candaian cinema.

I'm not telling you anything about this movie. You have the internet if you're reading this, so go searching, but just like any good trailer, it will only ruin it for you. So take it from a guy that spent the afternoon getting high and drunk on my day off, that went to see it without actually being able to recall the name, and almost herniated a disc cackleing.
I already saw this movie, for free. But on friday, I'm buying my ticket, sneekin in my cheep, domestic beer, and watching that shit again, cuz holyfuck foran ottawa flickits funniaz fuck.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE STRONGLY ADVIZES YOU GO SEE THIS MOVIE, THIS OPENING WEEKEND, SO OUR FILMS WON'T PUT OUT BY SOME OTHER BULLSHIT THAT WASN'T MADE IN THIS FUCKIN WICKED COUNTRY.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: Working Class Rockstar Review

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: AN EVENING WITH WORKING CLASS ROCKSTARS

We came, we drank, we watched, we moshed, we listened, we screamed, and drank, for 12 hours straight.

Issue Zero sent their finest out for an evening with Justin McConnell's Toronto premiere at the Bloor Cinema of "Working Class Rockstar." When we got there, we had ten minutes for the 5 litters of beer at O'Gradys to settle, talk and introduce ourselves, get in, get canada dry for the canada club (O Canada motherfuckin straighten out) and get the boose into the bottles and get our seat for the show.

Once on the second floor, we made contact with the guys of NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED, and took our seats in the back level behind the stairs where we could chain smoke and drink liquor. Hellyeah.

The film was an honest musicians version of the rock and roll life. With appearances from Canadian and American artists alike, the tale of struggle and obsticles in the path the golden ring; a record contract.

From the creases in the laughlines and gouges of crows feet and the furowed brow accompanying every curse word, you can be a deaf fan of the art and still see... it ain't no candy. Troubles with equipment, troubles with band members (I met a gutair player that night that had a coupla black eyes and a fucked up hand who didnt play that night for breakin up a fight the night before and getting gangbeaten,) but you can see they love it, but the contract? writen by the devil.

"We all know it, but we all sign,

bad times are still times so we do what we gotta

to make the bottom line."

-URSA MEGA-

TO EVERY BAND AND MEMEBER, BE IT RAP, METAL, COUNTRY, SWING OR FUCKIN POLKA, HEAR THIS, IT'S THE FERINHIET 911 OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.

After the movie was a short called "Ending the Eternal" and NO ASSEMBLY REQUIREDs new video, "I hate" which was a nice warm up for the little throat ripping performance in the Annex Wreckroom, where BLOODSHOTEYE and POLKADOT CADAVER assisted in getting beer drank very quickly.

At the wreakroom, we were hassled at the door by security, and rightly so, I DID have a two-six in the backpack, and MR. ROBITIKS looks like a 17 year old, and his passport photo didnt fly. But their we were on the list, and in we went, AFTER I put my liquor behind the church. I used to party with some of the evenings security staff in an Spadina keggerfest apartment.

666. WHUTSUP?!

BLOOSHOTEYEs lead singer, Jessica, sounded like her boyfriend and bandmate, IVY, had spent the time before the show sitting on her and punchin her in the throat, which to those in the metal cutlure know, is a complement. She ripped ass, no problem. Fuckinhell, DID I rock out.

NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED sounded like the day deftones turned out the light, and started writing shit you could punch holes in the wall to. "I hate" was just another wicked song. We're gonna be seeing more of these guys for sure, they just dont seem like back-down types.

When we began researching the band POLKADOT CADAVER, we can across a song called "Chloroform Girl." Charles Manson has nightmares about theses guys, and I'm sure they've never even met. They brought twistedsuperchargedtechno to a new height and not just really fucked up lyrics, but well writen.

In all honesty, I did try to steal their beer after the show, but they had drank it already.

LATER, I LEFT THE BATHROOM, AND THE LEAD SINGERS GIRL HAD ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE STICKERS ON HER TITS.

Then I interviewed Justin McConnell in a lightening storm, outside. Justin's time and dedication to a project of this size didnt show at all on him and interestingly enough, niether did the lightening storm I asked him to do the interview in. Nerves of steel. Hey, I woulda interviewed him in the stall at the bloor cinema while I was mixing drinks. he gave me a copy of his movie on DVD, which I have watched three times now, and it still opens my eyes. The Spirit of rock and roll is alive and well in that boy, yes sir, let this one to do his work we'll all thank him later.

After the show, and pretty much all through it, we drank in the streets and partied with these people. They know how to throw down a show, and they know a good time when they see it. We exchanged bad jokes and belches, stories of the road, and promotional endevours. We power laughed and shot the shit. These are real people.

After we closed up shop, and by that I mean, there was only staff and bands left, and had beer with the head of security, the man not the myth, Mr. Graves. we fucked off into the night, back to the lair to continue drinking into the morning. we got out so much promotional shit they had to remind us we go to them already, sometimes twice. And to those that dont know already...

BOXWAR IS COMING.

SEPTEMBER 7 AND OCTOBER 19, 2OO8.

TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA

A BIG-UP TO MR. MCCONNELL, GREG SOMMERS, BLOODSHOTEYE, NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED, POLKA DOT CADAVER, JOHNNY GRAVES, BLOOR CINEMA, THE ANNEX WRECKROOM, CANADA DRY GINGER ALE, AND CANADA CLUB RYE WHISKEY.

MIX-SHAKE-THROW