ISSUE ZERO: Chemical Robotiks: Mark of the Beast (LGF)

Untraceable: movie review

Untraceable is basically a bullshit movie. enough said. The story takes place present day where a website goes up that offers live streaming video of human execution to the whole world. The kink to this movie is that the victim is hooked to a machine that slowly administers poison. what determines the rate that the poisons is given is the amount of viewers watching the death. so, as more viewers come to watch the killing the quicker the person is killed. simple enough right. sure. why not. thats probable the most interesting thing about this movie. they should have just left it right there, a psychopathic fucker who kills people in a creative way. I have never seen people killed like that in a movie before so there is a chance I might have liked it. or at least applauded the creativity of the story. But no, they fucked all that shit to hell. The start introducing a weak back story to the killer that they figure out and solve in about 10 seconds. Its like "o shit, theres a reason why he..." and then the actor is immediately cut off by the answer: the killer is a kid who's daddy committed suicide and the cable networks aired it and now he's taking his revenge. boo fucking whooo little boy. Fuck it never ends with this movie, just one fuck up after another. Half the fun of a flick like this is trying to figure out who the killer is and they blew all that to hell too by showing the killer and his face not even half way though. Couldn't they have just saved it till the end like every other horror or thriller film. no! fuck no! why do that when we can blow it again.

Story aside, the movie looks budget as fuck. There are only a few locations where the movie takes place and they could honestly all be in the same house. Variety of sets, fuck no, that coasts money. money we obviously don't have. The acting is no more then what you would expect from such a shit movie, and, to top it all off, they included Tom Hanks' talentless son, Colin. Fucking hell, this movie has nothing going for it and i honestly think people should avoid it. you way get a bit of enjoyment out of seeing Colin Hanks die but thats about it.

now you may be wondering why this post is called mark of the beast, since it has nothing to do with the movie and was never mentioned in the review. well, here it comes assholes. The number one tip-off to any viewer that this film was going to be nothing more than a steaming pile...
That's right. It's a Lions Gate Film. Everything put out by these fuckers is the most absolute bottom of the barrel bullshit running. Their logo at the beginning of any film is like the mark of the beast, dubbing it immediately as pure evil from the bottom pits of hell. If you see this as your movie is beginning you should leave right then and there and ask for your money back. If anyone reading this owns any movies by them or if you ever rent a movie and you're like "Fuck! that movie was so bad. i mean, Jesus, that was SO FUCKING BAD!" and you flip the tape over and see LFG(which you will) take out your hammer and smash it to hell. you will feel better. Lions Gate films are so bad they should have a warning on them because everyone should have at least a fair chance to get away before subjecting themselves to anything put out by them. I know everyone is different and your probably thinking "why does this guy hate Lions gate so bad." Heres why fucker: They never make a good movie. ever. plain and simple. most companies strike out, fuck, they all do now and then but they all also come back and release something good as well. I honestly challenge anyone to come up with (and post in the comment section of this entry) a decent film from LGF. It can't be done, and this movie is no exception. Just another crap movie from LGF

I give this movie 2 stars out of a countless galaxy.


ps - if your watching a movie in theaters and Lions Gate's logo comes up during the previews be
sure to boo it