ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ZUNE CANDY

FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ZUNE CANDY

BACK-DATED

I was in the middle of working out what exactly I was gonna do to OCAD next, when an industry ninja, Jesse Ship, sent me a message. He said if I filled out the forms and acted like a good little consumer bitch, a company responcible for promotions of new and up-coming products was gonna send me a sexy Microsoft ZUNE, Bill Gate's answer to the iPod. It is superior to the iPod in several ways. It will let you upload images and songs from it, and to and from other Zunes, wirelessly.
Apple, you sons a bitches, how dare you hold back this technology? Fuck it... Gates' is doin the same thing, he can fuck himself, too.
anyways, I got this little toy in the mail and still havent got the time to fire the little bitch up. In concert with the candy promos, I got invited to a Vice magazine promo party for Zune, and even though there was a lot of free Red Stripe, which wishes it never met me that night, there was also a lot of little punk bitches there. I'm glad I brought Mr. jackson, the muscle here at Issue Zero, because if need be, we could always drag one, or two of the party poopers out the back way and make it look like an accident. There was a live band, and nobody even dancing. Well, they can get fucked with new and improved technology, too. I stole all the clothes I wore to that event, and in light of the "Do" and "Don't" lists that vice have, I decided that if I was goin on the Don't List, motherfucker, I was goin to the top of it. I stole me some khakis, and a white, white polo shirt, which I liberally splashed movie-grade blood on in a blast pattern. A lady from a Adidas marketing department told me she liked the shirt and complimented me by asking where I bought it, to which I replied...
"I fuckin stole this shirt, and I fuckin splashed fake blood on it...."
(FUCK ADJECTIVES)
Then I realised that she might take advantage of this and try to market this design.
Then I told her, if I saw this fuckin style floating around on Adidas gear, I was coming to get her.
There was no laughing in the last statement.

yeah, right, i forgot... Go Buy A ZUNE. Or "don't", I don't give a shit.. I got mines
PEACE OUT.