ISSUE ZERO: BEAST

A couple of weeks ago I was at Younge and Dundas square to see a band called BEAST, from Montreal. I was given a hot tip by a brother I met in Butterfield park by OCAD. I was trying to get him to give me his neckless pass that appearently got the holder nothing, but, hey, you gotta try everything these days.

He tells me to check these people out. That brother was a third of Candy Coated Killahz. Now, I forgot what three bands he cross-referanced to get me to understand... but I'll tell you what I thought it was like.

1 Raw Digga/Flipmode Squad

2 Portishead

3 Rage Against the Machine

The crowd, not as into the music as I was, clearly deers in headlights, were very disapointing. It's like people that dont know what note is gonna come next are too afraid to look like an idiot if they're dancing when the band deecides to throw a 3/4 time signature in there all of a sudden. This is the type of people that should just stay home if that, and slowing me down from dancing is all their gonna do when come out with the exception of reallllly pissing me off.

The band came on and started into some mellow groves with some nice rising sounds, and got even heavier...and heavier, and crazier. And the only person that was getting people to move away from them cuz they were dancing and loosing their shit was this girl a couple of people over from me.

"What the fuck is wrong with thse people?!"

"No fuckin kidding!"

just when I thought I was going to have to start making people dance, unfortunately in the last song, the heaviest yet, and getting heavier, right at the top of a crusendo, right where there should have been a nice silence, there was a blood-curdled shriek at the top of my lungs...

"FUCK YEAH!!!"

THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN PLACE WENT PSYCHO.

THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, PEOPLE, THAT'S HOW.

ISSUE ZREO MAGAZINE DONT DIG WALLCRAWLERS.

WE PAVE THE MOSHPIT FLOOR WITH THEM.

ISSUE ZERO: SEMESTER ONE, STARTING SOON.

SIGN UP NOW!
LIMITED SPACE ONLY!
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
BRING THE KIDS, BEER'S HALF PRICE FOR THE FIRST 100 SEATS.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE:CAMERON SHIRREFFS

A brief introspect to the life of CAMERON SHERIFS.

A while back Mr. robotiks and I went to review the premiere of Workingg Class Rockstar. (An Issue Zero Adventure...Comming soon!) A spokesperson for this virtual periodical brought in an employee of O'Gradys (COLLAGE AND MCCAUL, a student loan sponge) who was gonna make custom ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE HOODIES.

So I says to myself, self, thats some dope hookup.

And it woulda been too... had not our friend took a quick earliy morning trip off his skateboard right under one of Toronto's graveyard powershiftin street-sweepers, which shattered his right elbow, putting the sweaters on hold.

I find all this out from our spokesperson, and think, well, better him than me, right? There but for the grace of God is what my sister would have said.

Fuck right off, I can think what the hell ever I wanna, ya damn slang-junky.

About 150 hours later, I find him sitting at O'Gradys, nursing a beer and a smashed arm in plaster.

"holyfuckyougottabeshittinme"

Cameron informs me that one of the hoodies is done except the letters which I didnt even give a fuck about cuz I was still tryn to forget the images of "shatter blisters" he described from the acceident earlier.

Knowing fully that at any given moment some completely different and likely more distracting event was going to occur, I knodded and empathized with cam about not remembering the actual accident until a week later on his way to move out, on our way to his apartment. At his place, which remended me of a couple places I lived in before. the kind of place thats like a small tourist town, it takes about a day to see it all, but fits into a two room . I hadnt seen this type of creative freedom since my Old Man put the "throw things just to see where they fall" attitude in me back in '89.

But is it the good shit man? the hoody is killer quality; a design on wax paper, to a transfer, to the hoody, then sewn on.

Cam made rockin hoodys in an apartment that all the kings tow trucks and forensics scientists couldnt pull "double helix" oudova text book.

Mr. Sharifs is currently scrathing a blister with a long stick under his cast while he tries to think of a good way to build his case agaisnt the city for damages. I think he has a good case.

He's available throught ISSUEZERO@GMAIL.COM

His gear goes for $30/T-shirt. It's totally worth it. Take it from a guy that has toiled over textiles and the profit margin for this art form; the process that creates their awesome effects is a bitch to pull off this good, and is therefor a wicked deal for killer actually unique gear.

BELOW: TAXI DRIVER, PYSCHO, AND BOMBER PLANE

ISSUE ZERO: LONDON: CONNECT THE DOT(S) AT A SLAMMIN' LAUNCH PARTY

As if I don't have enough "side projects," I've recently joined the editorial staff of a new online magazine, called Connect the Dot, focusing on the Toronto urban theme. The website will include news blogs, interviews with media figures, writers, producers, directors, and artists alike, feature articles, profiles, and eventually, podcasts.

Tomorrow night, Wednesday June 25, marks the magazine's launch party at Revival, located on 783 College Street West (at Shaw), Toronto. It's a FREE event, complete with media schmoozing, special host, T. Rexx, and amazing performances by Kim Davis, Obie, Charlie Black, Rochester-- aka Juice, and Richie Sosa.

Networking opps begin at 9 p.m. with the party following at 10 p.m.

Hope to see you all there!
~ London

ISSUE ZERO:ChemicalRobotiks: The internet is a strange place

Howdy Partner. I just noticed something this morning that really tripped me out and made me laugh for a second, so here goes.

I started a YouTube account 3 months back for the purpose of hosting videos that could be posted on this site. recently something happened with my account that I could have never imagined, I am actually one of the more viewed channels in Canada. Currently I am the #42 most viewed channel, which doesn't sound like much but I actually rank higher than CityTV which blew me away for a second.

CityTV is one of the largest broadcasters in Canada and their programming reaches millions of people everyday. I am not saying that my videos reach that many people but on the internet there is actually more of a buzz surrounding what I am doing than CityTV. Thinking about it made me laugh for a second and think about the internet. I think it's great that people now have a place where they can, as an individual, connect to and influence so many people without the help of big companies. In the past you would need the support and the finical backing of a larger group to get heard, but now a regular person can get just as much attention on their own without compromising their integrity.

People keep saying that the internet will ruin the music and film industry but I don't think thats totally true. I think in some ways it could make them both much better. Small bands or indie film makers who would have, in the past, had a hard run to ever get their work seen or heard, now have a medium where they can address millions of people, and on their own. I also feel the public gets a better run from it too. There is a lot of music and film that will never see the light of day but in this environment it can still reach the public where it can be enjoyed.

ISSUE ZERO: WORKING CLASS ROCKSTAR

This Monday, which, if you ask me, is great day to go see a movie about heavy metal, and then go see some metal shows, I'm gonna go see a movie about some heavy metal, and holymotherfuck am I gonna see some heavy metal shows. The basic agenda is this. Show up, produce press passes, enter, watch movie while drinking through a case of cheep, domestic, gut-rotting beer smuggled in and drank loudly, pause/reflect/purge, and while maintaining steel-spine composure, interview director Justin McConnell (esteamed director,) interview BLOODSHOT EYE, POLKADOT CADAVER, NO ASSEMBLY REQURIED, and 3 MILE SCREAM, then, put my trusted cameraman, Mr. Robitiks, (the man that no poison can corrupt) in such a location at the ANNEX WRECK ROOM that will be condusive to his feverish drinking problem as well as fasilitating a sturdy base for the camera (the bar) to take some hellawicked footage of some GOD DAMNED HARDCORE CANADIAN HEAVY METAL.

Will a certain recently-added-to-the-clergy, mildly explosive man in a bearface make an appearence crowd-surfing, bathing in liquor, and making out with the stacks of speakers?

You can bet your whole fuckin torso I will.
On that wager, you can tack your house, soul, and everything the good King Midas ever put his greedy little fingers on, and his fingers.

STAY TUNED ZEROITES,
THIS IS NOT A TEST.

ISSUE ZERO:ChemicalRobotiks:2012