A STRONGHOLD OF PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, WRITERS, AND CERTIFIABLE A-1 LUNATIC GUERRILLA PROMOTERS OF OUR GREAT FROZEN TUNDRA. WE GOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR....

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FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Friday, January 30, 2009

PSYCHO WARD CLOTHING CO.

BILL ORCHARD PUT A HEX ON EACH INDIVIDUAL PIECE OF APPAREL, IN HIS OWN VOO DOO LOUNGE, SOMEWHERE IN ORILLIA.

BUY ONE TODAY, AND DO THINGS YOU'LL REGRET.

ORDER YOUR T-SHIRT TODAY!!!
PSYCHOWARDCO@GMAIL.COM

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ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE IS ALL THE FUCK ABOUT PASSING THE BUCK.

ANNND, AS AN ADDED BONUS, ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE CAN DRINK YOUR LILY LIVERD ASS WAAAAY UNDER THE TABLE. WE'LL SALUTE YOU FOR TRYING, BUT THEN WE'RE TAKING TURNS PISSING IN YOUR OPEN MOUTH.
CHEERS, FUCK-ASSES.

COMING SOON,
TRIPLE SICK SKIN REVIEW!!!

NOW GET BACK TO FUCKIN OFF.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: BRANT HOUSE

OK, FIRST OF ALL, BRANT HOUSE IS FULL OF DOUCHE BAGS.
THE MUSIC IS SHIT, AND THE BOUNCERS THINK THAT GOD TOLD THEM TO GUARD THE PEARLY GATES. THE ONE REDEEMING CHARACTERISTIC IS THAT THE STAFF IS SO DAFT THAT EVEN AFTER BEING REQUIRED TO BE AT LEAST 25, THEY LET MY ASS IN, WITH A MICKY OF GOOD OLD CANADIAN CLUB.

SO WITH THAT SAID, FUCK THE BRANT HOUSE.
LIKE A ROOFY IN YOUR BEER AND A BOTTLE OPENER IN YOUR EAR.

SUCK IT SO HARD YOU DROWN, YOU QUIFF BREATH-FRESHENER.

PS. IF WE DO ANYTHING WE WANT IN YOUR ESTABLISHMENT, YOUR SECURITY ISN'T ITS JOB.

KING AND PORTLAND: GIVE IT BACK TO THE STREET CREATURES.

Monday, January 26, 2009

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D









































WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU SOMETHING: WITH 3D GLASSES, YOU DON'T NEED HARDCORE HALLUCINOGENS. NOT THAT THEY ARE NOT WELCOME, LIKE I'M FUCKING POSITIVE THE GUYS IN THE BACK ROW WERE JUST SWIMMING ON A HANDFUL, BUT THIS MOVIE WAS THE STRAIGHT UP SHIT WITHOUT A BAG OF MUSHROOMS.
I HAD ONLY A GLASS OF WINE BEFORE THIS MOVIE, AND I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE TAKEN A BLAST OF THAT FUNKY DUST-MIST FROM THE SCARECROWS MASK IN BATMAN BEGINS, RIGHT IN MY OPEN MOUTH AND INHALING NOSTRILS WITH BOTH EYES SURPRISINGLY WIDE OPEN LIKE A FRAT HOUSE TEA BAG AND A CUP OF FART....
HORRIFIC. FUCKING HEART STOPPING.


THAT'S ALL YOU GET. THAT, AND IT'S CANADIAN.
SO GET OFF YOUR WALLET, AND PACK YOUR HEAD WITH MUSHROOMS AND GO SEE THIS SHIT BEFORE SOMEONE SUFFERS A HEART ATTACK AT A SHOWING AND THEY YANK IT OUT OF THE THEATERS.

AZENITH TAKES SECOND PLACE!!!

AZENITH ROUND 3

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AZENITH AND THEIR MURDEROUS STEAM TAKE 2ND PLACE!

MORE CLIPS FROM THE BELT HOLDERS: GOD KILLER!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

AZENITH CONTINUES TO BRUTALIZE!!!

ROUND 2.
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AZENITH CONTINUES TO BRUTALIZE!!!
MANY DRINK AS FAST AS THEY CAN TO CATCH UP WITH THE FURY!!!
FEW WERE SPARED!
EVEN LESS LEFT SOBER!

AZENITH KILLS GRAVENHURST!!!

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ROUND 1!
AZENITH COMES ON STRONG! DEMANDING ATTENTION AND EVICTING YUPPIES FROM THE NEXT ROOM!
THE PANDEMONIUM ENSUES!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

ISSUE ZERO:ChemicalRobotiks:Slumdog review

Well, I just finished watching this flick and was pretty pleasantly surprised.

It's the story of a young boy, born and raised in the Mumbai slums who later on becomes a contestant on who wants to be a millionaire. Everyone is puzzled at how an uneducated kid from the slums could be doing so well on the game show and speculations begin to surround him as people believe he is either cheating or the show is rigged.

The film tells the boys story though each of the questions asked by the host, as it cuts away to show the story behind how he knows the answer. After the first question the audience knows he has had a hard life.

When I left the theater I though the film was only OK but as I began to think about it I actually really liked it. The cinematography is excellent and has long sweeping shot of the slums as well as rich imagery of the streets and people. All of this is complimented by one of the best soundtracks I have heard in a movie for some time.
-stick around for the credits. There is an awesome Bollywood dance routine

All and all, I would give this movie 3.5/5