A STRONGHOLD OF PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, WRITERS, AND CERTIFIABLE A-1 LUNATIC GUERRILLA PROMOTERS OF OUR GREAT FROZEN TUNDRA. WE GOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR....

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FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Sunday, November 30, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: The Isosceles Project Interview




Check out their music here: http://www.myspace.com/theisoscelesproject

Thursday, November 27, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: GODKILLER; "OUTTA CONTROL"

HERE WE GO AGAIN, GOD KILLER.
YOU GUYS NEED TO HAND OUT HELMETS TO YOUR GIGS.
THEY RULE.

video

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: GODKILLER; THE WINNER OF OUR HEAVY METAL MUSICAL BATTLE ROYAL

video
This is but a taste of the material we have coming to us from the audio/visual wing of ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE, SCDigital, featuring 1ST PLACERS, subjects GODKILLER.
We decided to give you this little sample of these lunatics.
GODKILLER, rightly named, cuz I'm pretty sure I saw them murdering a few deities out back whilst getting warmed up for there show. If anyone ever heard Shiva beg like a little bitch for mercy on the brutally beaten shell of what ever winged creature I saw behind Lakers in Gravenhurst, you'd know,
GODKILLER TAKES NO HOSTAGES.


It's also possible that I was hallucinating.

They put on a show that demanded an encore, and it was phenomenal.
When I saw the bass player outside saying that he jumped off an amp at one show, I thought, how high was he, and how high was the amps? but after that show, I figure the amp was high, and he was higher.
There's more to come from these lads, and the whole day of ink, drinking, interviews and madness to come, Zeroites, stay tuned.

We got mad coverage, all in due time.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE, PSYCHO WARD CLOTHING CO., SCDIGITAL, TRIPLE SICK SKIN.

THANK YOU ALL.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: TIME TO SMARTEN THE FUCK UP



REALLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE WHINING ABOUT?!?
GET A FUCKIN GRIP.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: WHATS TO COME IN THE NEW YEAR.



THIS IS A LITTLE TASTE OF WHAT WE WE'RE UP TO IN A LITTLE SHITSHOW TOWN CALLED GRAVENHURST.

LOOK FORWARD TO OUR IN DEPTH VIDEOS AND INTERVIEWS AND COVERAGE OF INK SESSIONS AND HEAVY METAL.

THANKS TO ALL THAT CAME OUT.
The information in this video is slightly different than what actually went down.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: Ending the Eternal

Box Wars is done for the year.
Nothing but the myths and lore left in the wake of the cardboard pieces and (my) swollen kidneys to tell the tale.
And now, on to other things.

October 21, we went to see the short film by Justin McConnell titled "Ending the Eternal."

To the neck meat then, will we?

Ending the Eternal digs a new hole using it's fingers while laughing out loud.
(I think vampiric slaughterings are funny, you'd have to be a sicko not to.)

Justin's project is an introduction to a film to come in the future titled "the Eternal." It circles around the main character played by Adam Wilson, a Vampire, Samuel Gradius, who hires a team of assassins to kill, interestingly enough, himself.

When they fuck the job up, and boy-o-boy do they, he fuckin looses it and tells them all about it. They don't kill him, but not for the lack of effort, or cool assassin gear, but because of there gross neglect in the choice of weapon. And then again, in response time, and as a result, get their shit shook from the mortal coil.
Oh yeah, they fucked that up, really nicely.

Lets say you're getting paid to kill someone, namely, the guy whose paying you to kill him. You think being that close to the boss, you'd want to make sure that you do the job right, seeing as the guy is a fuckin vampire.

This isn't like your first weekend job as a dish washer, when the head honcho pops his head into the kitchen so you wash faster and really pay attention to the food filter and take the garbage out twice as fast, no, it's someone who feeds on the living for sustenance by going right for the neck, and in doing this, lives forever.

Now, being a vampire, and spending most of his time teeth deep in a jugular somewhere, I'm gonna guess that he doesn't know the difference between a good assassin and a bad assassin, which is something you'd look in to if you where going to look into something like that, but its really his fault that the would-be killers picked plastic composite to carve a stake out of to drive into his chest. Assassins; where the fuck do you find the good ones?
But regardless, they were payed to do a job, and they fucked up. Plastic composite? That's fuckin retarded. A man of the cloth that doesn't believe in the undead would tell you that shit. I'd kill a motherfucker over that shit, too.

A huge impenetrable poisonous garlic neck protector managed to fall off the ol' shopping list too, much to the dismay of one of their colleagues, who found out that vampires got probably twice the jaw pressure of a normal human, and are, just like in the picture books, equipped with big, white, fangs. Not like Farley Mowatt's pet wolf, like a motherfuckin wicked pair of tent pegs made for tapping the neck veins.

Then, one of the assassins pulls out a hand gun. Now you're thinkin you dumb bitch. You got a guy in front of you with a plastic spear right through his heart. Yeah, you know what, I'd probably pull a gun, too, if I didn't already know they guy was a fuckin vampire.
Bitch, you gonna hafta die.

The reader will excuse my strange insight to the movie. (or you can hold it against me, but I'll still drink you into the basement.)
I'll treat it like it happened for real, cuz I will suspend disbelief as fast as my drinking arm goes up and holds, which allows that type of perspective.


That vampire flat out spanked those idiots, and then took 'em to school, late and without lunch.

A closing scene through the room shows that Samuel Gradius, our vampire (a hero in my books) has justly executed the team, and on his way to bed, after draining the last dumb-ass, says "lights" to turn off his automated bedroom lights, to wait quietly in the dark for the rest of them.

The dialogue in this piece is entertaining and funny, with a blood sucker confessing his Catholicism. That's fuckin hilarious.

My favorite quotes from this flick.
"This whole world is going to shit, even real wood is rare!"
"Technology before intelligence, it will be the end of you all."


The storyline points to the future of the main character who decides that he doesn't want to kill himself anymore. According to Justin, months later, "Sammy" (as I'll refer to the blood-sucking murderer) decides that he's taking a new approach to his disposition, coming out in the feature length film "the Eternal," a movie which I will try to convince Justin to let me review, despite my past drunkenness and exploits.

Our interview with Justin, Adam and Greg after the film at Poppers was nice, it came with beer. (I like beer, a lot, and what the fuck is it to you?!?) Adam is just finished a part as Charlie Manson in biography piece which will be out soon. That fucker can do one decent Manson, having seen the parole hearings to compare to, it was creepy as hell.
I gave him props for his bit, as I do love a good Manson impression, and for getting the beer.

I'm stoked about the full length project Justin's pulling together, cuz I like pissed off vampires, and still pumped about the DVD release of the Working Class Rock Star on November 11th.
IF YOUR INTERESTED IN HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR BAND DON'T GET FUCKED BY YOUR LABEL WHEN YOU GET A CONTRACT, WATCH THIS SHIT 3 OR 4 TIMES WITH YOUR TEAM FIRST.

I've said it before. I'll say it again.
Good things coming from this Justin character, and I'm chomping at the bit to see more.
(I think vampiric slaughterings are funny.)

In the future of Mister McConnell's career we'll see the makings of one of the guys I've come to know as a friend and partner, Greg Sommers, AKA (the Box War Lord General) Skull Man, in Skull World.

I'll be in the motherfucker, which is sweet, cuz the only professional training I have in acting, I can't even tell you fuckers about.
(Those were good times, whooooshit.)

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE IS PLEASED WITH THE CREATIONS OF MR. MCCONNELL, AND WILL BE SENDING OUR APPROVAL TO THE MIGHTY RED JUMP-SUITED ONE FOR REVIEW, PLUS I CAN ASK HIM ABOUT THAT $50 BUCKS HE SAID HE'D GIVE ME FOR GETTING ALL THOSE KIDS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH TO SIGN OVER THEIR SOUL FOR A CIGARETTE IN BETWEEN CLASS EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN'T THINK I WAS SERIOUS AND THEY ACTUALLY SIGNED ANYWAYS. (I HAD FUCKIN PAGES.) (I'M NOT KIDDING.)

Monday, November 10, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: LONDON: Silence keeps you safe, dare to speak

As Ursa Mega informs you dear readers, there has apparently been a “reporting” of the displayed picture that has been deemed as a sadist model.

When I learned that this reporting on Facebook resulted in the deletion of the image, many ideas surrounding censorship, freedom of expression, and women in the media circulated my cranium the way things usually do at first: in a chaotic state. And then, as the clock ticks, these fiery thoughts calm, enabling me to communicate more soundly.

So, here it goes. First of all, the way this reporting was handled strikes me as quite pathetic. Having grown up in the Middle East, I have seen first hand how little rights women have; especially freedom of expression. To this day, many female writers and artists in particular parts in the Middle East, Africa, and Asia are punished for speaking out. They are kidnapped, beaten, banned, and killed.

We are very fortunate to live in a country that does not punish us for speaking out. Granted, we do face censorship issues which will always bleed into freedom of expression rights and subsequently, criminal offences that blame the media.

In Canada, women are able to speak out without the same fear women in other parts of the world possess. The person that reported this image on Facebook could have been a woman—and in this case, I say, sisterfriend, you have something to say, so say it. It could’ve also been a man—and in this case, I say, find your balls and say what you want to say.

Secondly, when a medium such as Facebook takes down a piece of art such as this picture, we are witnessing censorship. This act alone raises tons of questions. What is art? Is this picture art? Is this offensive to women? Doesn’t the artist have the right to expression?

Section 2 of The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms states that every Canadian has the fundamental right to “freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication.”Some may ask, “so a picture of a battered woman is art?”

Yes. Because it encourages speculation and debate. Do you know the story behind this woman? Do you know why she looks this way? Do you know why the artist chose to make her look this way?

The person who reported this image to the Facebook admins failed to critically think about this image in an artistic way. What if this woman witnessed the abuse of her child and proceeded to fight the attacker? What if these bruises are a physical indication of her victory? In other words, this woman could have been a survivor.

I realize that many may still argue that the mere sight of this woman advocates violence against them, or visually reinforces the concept of the poor, helpless, battered woman.To these people I write this loud and clear. WE LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT WILL LISTEN. YOU DON’T ALWAYS GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT, BUT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT AND TESTIFY. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DIRECTLY GO TO THE SOURCE AND TELL THEM WHY YOU HAVE BEEN ANGERED BY AN IMAGE. FACEBOOK REPORTER, SLINK OUT OF THAT DARK CORNER AND SPEAK OUT. I DARE YOU. ~London

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: THE ANCHIENT CRAFT AND SECRET SOCIETY OF GATE CRASHERS.


I think by now, our mildly concerned public, are ready for this one, if they were not already planning a contingency for it.
I'll probably get my ass beat the hell up for this. Some power tripping metal head, not unlike myself, but with the righteousness that is being on the actual payroll for security, is gonna haul my ass out of the venue, while I kick and scream for free shwag and a all access pass back into the show, out into the street where I'll probably have to run like the wind running on wind.

There is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it. What I have left for a mind, is just enough, apparently, because I seemed to be able to dodge and weave through security and management without this sweet little jacket before. I won't tell you where I "found" this hot ticket, but I will tell you this: it is only a matter of time before I put this thing to work.

As for the un-named members of this elite society of gate-crashers, most security knows who you are, chances are, once you crash, you don't come back.
I've done it many, many, many times, and it never gets lame. It's so damn cool, I don't even know where to start.

I think it might have started way back when I was a kid and my old man would have to hustle my ass into a gig of his cuz getting a baby sitter was a bitch. Growing up in several venues and rock shows at a real early age was exciting. As soon as I was old enough to understand the respect you gotta have for a expensive piece of equipment that turns an average guitar into a window-breaking, noise-violation-maker, and big enough to carry a forty watt, I was carrying those shits everywhere.

Then there was that one weekend I spent playing Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell for XBOX for 70 hours straight, drinking and getting high the whole way through. That, may have been the real turning point. After that weekend, I remember taking trips through the crawl space between the fine dinning restaurant and the pub I worked for, hiding in the shadows and putting staff members in hammer locks when they would go to the walk-in fridge or to my favourite, the liquor storage, forcing them to open it and remain quite. It was fun except the time I did it to Carl Sawyer, who not only got free, but made it hurt pretty good, too. The lesson here is to pick your battles, not to stop hiding in the shadows waiting to commit acts of espionage and thievery.
So there you have it. Add that shit up and you got yourself a fence-jumping, building-scaling, disguise-wearing, metal-head from gate-crashing Hell.

and I am just getting warmed up. The next step is a counterfeit pass kit, which will allow me to pick from several different types of pass covers and colored tethers.

You see, my dear reader,
if what you GOTTA do,
outweighs what gets done TO ya,
whatchya fuckin waiting on?
I'm fuckin hungery already.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE IS ALL THE FUCK ABOUT GATE CRASHING.

ISSUE ZERO: ChemicalRobotiks: Art Show Destroyed


I'm surprised, at this point that no one else on Issue Zero has wrote about this yet, so let me just dive right in. This is only my take on the events of that night and to get a better understanding of ti you probably should have been there. Okie dokie, it was a dark and stormy night, nope, it was Friday evening. I had been hanging out with Tyler Mother Fucking Jackson (Brother of Eric Mother Fucking Jackson) all day playing Call of Duty 4 and waiting for some art show by some asshole I had never heard of before(he did that last Vespa add campaign where the people had Vespa heads). We grabbed some of the usual previsions, wine(for tyler), malt liquor(for myself), and a few king cans and set off to the art show. Along the way we ran into to extremely coked out pork-chops that looked like a floor buffer had run over them because of the lovely shine they had. They too joined our party and again we were off to the show.

Ok, so at this point we are at the show. It's in a large warehouse where the inside had been converted into what looked like a down town Toronto street, complete with bus stop and shelter. There were leaves on the ground and some small tree like things had been set up. I'm guessing that his art work was building this mock city street inside of the building as more than once we were asked to stop leaning on the dudes work. whatever, the dudes stuff was balls, but that aside the party was roaring. There were a ton of people in there, $2.50 beer, and all of us. Shortly after getting there URSA MEGA comes through with more beer, booze, and his crazy-as-fuck self and the Voltron is complete.

We weren't there for long before we starting shutting that bitch down. Tyler gets into a fight with some graffiti crew over the bathroom line, doesn't back down and shuts them the fuck up. The two coked up pork-chops are ripping at the trees set up in show and all around loosing it. URSA MEGA is covering the place in stickers, and drinking like a fish. And I am trying to unscrew the bus stop that was bolted to the ground(I got one bolt off, which I still have, the other almost all the way off but I lost interest). Some dude I know named Paul was also there and he was trying to get me to talk to Tyler about the beef with the graffiti guys and trying to get the pork-chops out (which he thought were Puerto Ricans.) I really didn't give a shit what he was talking about and had no interest in doing either so I asked him to grab me a beer, then I walked away.

We ended up at Paul's house were we partied well into the night. This part I don't remember too well but I remember there was a bunch of people there losing their god damned minds. I also remember being in a McDonald's and Tyler trying to open a locked door...with his foot.

All and all, a solid fucking night. There was a bunch of other shit that happened but I think this is getting a little long. If any other Issue Zero mother fuckers want to fill in any gaps I may have missed, please, be my guest.

either which way, ART SHOW DESTROYED...

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: CENSORSHIP; NOT MAKING THE WORLD BETTER ANY TIME SOON.










































HERE'S ONE OF OUR ADVERTISEMENTS.
DON'T LIKE IT? STOP LOOKING.
DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, ONLY FUELS THE FIRE.
SOME ONE ON FACE BOOK REPORTED THIS IMAGE OF OURS AND HAD IT REMOVED.
PROBABLY CUZ THEY'RE BITCH, AND JUST BORED TO DEATH WITH THEIR LIFE.
I ASKED A FRIEND THE OTHER DAY, WHAT IS EASIER? TO RALLY MASSES AGAINST AN ENEMY, OR GATHER SUPPORT FOR A LEADER?
APPARENTLY, NEGATIVITY IS A POWERFUL FORCE, AND WHOEVER REPORTED IT, TOOK THE EASY WAY.
LIKE A BITCH.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE OFFERS THE CHANCE TO DEBATE WITH THIS PUNK-ASS COWARD, BUT THEY WILL PROBABLY NOT TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO.
THERE'S THE GMAIL ADDRESS.
MAN THE FUCK UP.

P.S. THAT'S AN IMAGE OF A SADIST MODEL, NOT AN ABUSED WOMAN, CUZ IF IT WAS, LONDON WOULD RIP MY HEAD OFF. PLUS BEATING UP CHICKS IS STUPID PROBLEM TO HAVE.

Friday, November 7, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: TRIPLE SICK SKIN TATTOOS AND PYSCHO WARD CLOTHING CO.





































ON NOVEMBER 22ND, CHEMICAL ROBOTIKS AND URSA MEGA ARE GOING UNDER THE NEEDLE OF TRIPLE SICK SKIN TATTOOS, IN GRAVENHURST, ONTARIO, CANADA, EARTH.
THERE'S GONNA BE QUITE THE FUCKIN SHIT SHOW.
STAY TUNED YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, THE SPONSORSHIP HAS JUST BEGUN.

BETWEEN THESE GUYS AND THE DEVIL, I CANT TELL WHICH I'D RATHER PARTY WITH, BUT BECAUSE THE DEVIL'S BEEN IGNORING MY NEVER-ENDING CALLS AND TEXT MESSAGES, THESE FUCKIN LOCO'S WILL HAVE TO DO.

WOW.
NO, REALLY.
WOW.