Nothing but the myths and lore left in the wake of the cardboard pieces and (my) swollen kidneys to tell the tale.
And now, on to other things.
October 21, we went to see the short film by Justin McConnell titled "Ending the Eternal."
To the neck meat then, will we?
Ending the Eternal digs a new hole using it's fingers while laughing out loud.
(I think vampiric slaughterings are funny, you'd have to be a sicko not to.)
Justin's project is an introduction to a film to come in the future titled "the Eternal." It circles around the main character played by Adam Wilson, a Vampire, Samuel Gradius, who hires a team of assassins to kill, interestingly enough, himself.
When they fuck the job up, and boy-o-boy do they, he fuckin looses it and tells them all about it. They don't kill him, but not for the lack of effort, or cool assassin gear, but because of there gross neglect in the choice of weapon. And then again, in response time, and as a result, get their shit shook from the mortal coil.
Oh yeah, they fucked that up, really nicely.
Lets say you're getting paid to kill someone, namely, the guy whose paying you to kill him. You think being that close to the boss, you'd want to make sure that you do the job right, seeing as the guy is a fuckin vampire.
This isn't like your first weekend job as a dish washer, when the head honcho pops his head into the kitchen so you wash faster and really pay attention to the food filter and take the garbage out twice as fast, no, it's someone who feeds on the living for sustenance by going right for the neck, and in doing this, lives forever.
Now, being a vampire, and spending most of his time teeth deep in a jugular somewhere, I'm gonna guess that he doesn't know the difference between a good assassin and a bad assassin, which is something you'd look in to if you where going to look into something like that, but its really his fault that the would-be killers picked plastic composite to carve a stake out of to drive into his chest. Assassins; where the fuck do you find the good ones?
But regardless, they were payed to do a job, and they fucked up. Plastic composite? That's fuckin retarded. A man of the cloth that doesn't believe in the undead would tell you that shit. I'd kill a motherfucker over that shit, too.
A huge impenetrable poisonous garlic neck protector managed to fall off the ol' shopping list too, much to the dismay of one of their colleagues, who found out that vampires got probably twice the jaw pressure of a normal human, and are, just like in the picture books, equipped with big, white, fangs. Not like Farley Mowatt's pet wolf, like a motherfuckin wicked pair of tent pegs made for tapping the neck veins.
Then, one of the assassins pulls out a hand gun. Now you're thinkin you dumb bitch. You got a guy in front of you with a plastic spear right through his heart. Yeah, you know what, I'd probably pull a gun, too, if I didn't already know they guy was a fuckin vampire.
Bitch, you gonna hafta die.
The reader will excuse my strange insight to the movie. (or you can hold it against me, but I'll still drink you into the basement.)
I'll treat it like it happened for real, cuz I will suspend disbelief as fast as my drinking arm goes up and holds, which allows that type of perspective.
That vampire flat out spanked those idiots, and then took 'em to school, late and without lunch.
A closing scene through the room shows that Samuel Gradius, our vampire (a hero in my books) has justly executed the team, and on his way to bed, after draining the last dumb-ass, says "lights" to turn off his automated bedroom lights, to wait quietly in the dark for the rest of them.
The dialogue in this piece is entertaining and funny, with a blood sucker confessing his Catholicism. That's fuckin hilarious.
My favorite quotes from this flick.
"This whole world is going to shit, even real wood is rare!"
"Technology before intelligence, it will be the end of you all."
The storyline points to the future of the main character who decides that he doesn't want to kill himself anymore. According to Justin, months later, "Sammy" (as I'll refer to the blood-sucking murderer) decides that he's taking a new approach to his disposition, coming out in the feature length film "the Eternal," a movie which I will try to convince Justin to let me review, despite my past drunkenness and exploits.
Our interview with Justin, Adam and Greg after the film at Poppers was nice, it came with beer. (I like beer, a lot, and what the fuck is it to you?!?) Adam is just finished a part as Charlie Manson in biography piece which will be out soon. That fucker can do one decent Manson, having seen the parole hearings to compare to, it was creepy as hell.
I gave him props for his bit, as I do love a good Manson impression, and for getting the beer.
I'm stoked about the full length project Justin's pulling together, cuz I like pissed off vampires, and still pumped about the DVD release of the Working Class Rock Star on November 11th.
IF YOUR INTERESTED IN HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR BAND DON'T GET FUCKED BY YOUR LABEL WHEN YOU GET A CONTRACT, WATCH THIS SHIT 3 OR 4 TIMES WITH YOUR TEAM FIRST.
I've said it before. I'll say it again.
Good things coming from this Justin character, and I'm chomping at the bit to see more.
(I think vampiric slaughterings are funny.)
In the future of Mister McConnell's career we'll see the makings of one of the guys I've come to know as a friend and partner, Greg Sommers, AKA (the Box War Lord General) Skull Man, in Skull World.
I'll be in the motherfucker, which is sweet, cuz the only professional training I have in acting, I can't even tell you fuckers about.
(Those were good times, whooooshit.)
ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE IS PLEASED WITH THE CREATIONS OF MR. MCCONNELL, AND WILL BE SENDING OUR APPROVAL TO THE MIGHTY RED JUMP-SUITED ONE FOR REVIEW, PLUS I CAN ASK HIM ABOUT THAT $50 BUCKS HE SAID HE'D GIVE ME FOR GETTING ALL THOSE KIDS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH TO SIGN OVER THEIR SOUL FOR A CIGARETTE IN BETWEEN CLASS EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN'T THINK I WAS SERIOUS AND THEY ACTUALLY SIGNED ANYWAYS. (I HAD FUCKIN PAGES.) (I'M NOT KIDDING.)
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