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FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: ChemicalRobotiks: Fire Arts Festival 08

Well, I was in San Francisco for the last two weeks but got to check out some really cool stuff. The Fire Arts Festival is held each year in Oakland by The Crucible. It is a festival populated mostly by burning man supporters and artists and acts as a place to show off their creations. This is the first time I have attended this event but I was totaly blown away by some of the pieces on display. Here is a short movie covering just a few of the more interesting attractions. ENJOY

Monday, July 21, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE

3790 AND CLIMBING

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE reviews JACK BROOKS; MONSTER SLAYER

This might come as a surprise to some, but I can refrain from using violence to solve problems. For others, like jack Brooks, it's the solution to everything from tripping over or trying to open a bottle. Imagine, like I can, instead of casually having a disagreement with someone, punching that someone in the throat.

Jack Brooks: Monster slayer is the fuckin funnest shit I've seen since the look on that persons face when I whizzed by them too close on a near-broken bike with a head full of poison and holding a Heineken bottle full of wine at midnight. I know what your thinking...
"How could it be funnier than that?!"
Lets put it this way, the first ten minutes at the screening I thought there's no way this could actually be this funny, and with my history, it could easily have been a mirage, but no, it was I-think-a-piece-of-my-abdomen-split-free-and-dropped-into-my-nutsack-funny.
Having a rage issue was never this funny.

Well, maybe.

(I promised my girl I would omit a less-than-savoury comment prepared for someone I suspect would've read this soon, who probably woulda been to highnmighty to realize it was about them, so I'm saving it to tell them later.)


Anyways. The Canadian film industry is pretty much invisible, and I'll give you a hearty applause if you can name the last Canuck flick you went to see in an actual theater, in Canada.
Yeah, see? Just like our music industry, the film community is floated by numbers. In the first weekend of a movies release, the revenue goes to the head and the Suits behind the curtain let it stay longer in the theaters under the pretence that the film will produce even more revenue, not that it will, or because they want to raise their own up, but because they suck.

Opening this friday, the 25th, in Toronto and the other five cities in this country, (jusfukinroundwichya) Jack Brooks:Monster Slayer is with a little help, cuz it don't need it, going to become a leatherbound volume in the annals of Candaian cinema.

I'm not telling you anything about this movie. You have the internet if you're reading this, so go searching, but just like any good trailer, it will only ruin it for you. So take it from a guy that spent the afternoon getting high and drunk on my day off, that went to see it without actually being able to recall the name, and almost herniated a disc cackleing.
I already saw this movie, for free. But on friday, I'm buying my ticket, sneekin in my cheep, domestic beer, and watching that shit again, cuz holyfuck foran ottawa flickits funniaz fuck.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE STRONGLY ADVIZES YOU GO SEE THIS MOVIE, THIS OPENING WEEKEND, SO OUR FILMS WON'T PUT OUT BY SOME OTHER BULLSHIT THAT WASN'T MADE IN THIS FUCKIN WICKED COUNTRY.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: AN EVENING WITH WORKING CLASS ROCKSTARS

We came, we drank, we watched, we moshed, we listened, we screamed, and drank, for 12 hours straight.
Issue Zero sent their finest out for an evening with Justin McConnell's Toronto premiere at the Bloor Cinema of "Working Class Rockstar." When we got there, we had ten minutes for the 5 litters of beer at O'Gradys to settle, talk and introduce ourselves, get in, get canada dry for the canada club (O Canada motherfuckin straighten out) and get the boose into the bottles and get our seat for the show.
Once on the second floor, we made contact with the guys of NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED, and took our seats in the back level behind the stairs where we could chain smoke and drink liquor. Hellyeah.


The film was an honest musicians version of the rock and roll life. With appearances from Canadian and American artists alike, the tale of struggle and obsticles in the path the golden ring; a record contract.
From the creases in the laughlines and gouges of crows feet and the furowed brow accompanying every curse word, you can be a deaf fan of the art and still see... it ain't no candy. Troubles with equipment, troubles with band members (I met a gutair player that night that had a coupla black eyes and a fucked up hand who didnt play that night for breakin up a fight the night before and getting gangbeaten,) but you can see they love it, but the contract? writen by the devil.
"We all know it, but we all sign,
bad times are still times so we do what we gotta
to make the bottom line."
-URSA MEGA-


TO EVERY BAND AND MEMEBER, BE IT RAP, METAL, COUNTRY, SWING OR FUCKIN POLKA, HEAR THIS, IT'S THE FERINHIET 911 OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.


After the movie was a short called "Ending the Eternal" and NO ASSEMBLY REQUIREDs new video, "I hate" which was a nice warm up for the little throat ripping performance in the Annex Wreckroom, where BLOODSHOTEYE and POLKADOT CADAVER assisted in getting beer drank very quickly.


At the wreakroom, we were hassled at the door by security, and rightly so, I DID have a two-six in the backpack, and MR. ROBITIKS looks like a 17 year old, and his passport photo didnt fly. But their we were on the list, and in we went, AFTER I put my liquor behind the church. I used to party with some of the evenings security staff in an Spadina keggerfest apartment.
666. WHUTSUP?!


BLOOSHOTEYEs lead singer, Jessica, sounded like her boyfriend and bandmate, IVY, had spent the time before the show sitting on her and punchin her in the throat, which to those in the metal cutlure know, is a complement. She ripped ass, no problem. Fuckinhell, DID I rock out.


NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED sounded like the day deftones turned out the light, and started writing shit you could punch holes in the wall to. "I hate" was just another wicked song. We're gonna be seeing more of these guys for sure, they just dont seem like back-down types.


When we began researching the band POLKADOT CADAVER, we can across a song called "Chloroform Girl." Charles Manson has nightmares about theses guys, and I'm sure they've never even met. They brought twistedsuperchargedtechno to a new height and not just really fucked up lyrics, but well writen.

In all honesty, I did try to steal their beer after the show, but they had drank it already.

LATER, I LEFT THE BATHROOM, AND THE LEAD SINGERS GIRL HAD ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE STICKERS ON HER TITS.


Then I interviewed Justin McConnell in a lightening storm, outside. Justin's time and dedication to a project of this size didnt show at all on him and interestingly enough, niether did the lightening storm I asked him to do the interview in. Nerves of steel. Hey, I woulda interviewed him in the stall at the bloor cinema while I was mixing drinks. he gave me a copy of his movie on DVD, which I have watched three times now, and it still opens my eyes. The Spirit of rock and roll is alive and well in that boy, yes sir, let this one to do his work we'll all thank him later.


After the show, and pretty much all through it, we drank in the streets and partied with these people. They know how to throw down a show, and they know a good time when they see it. We exchanged bad jokes and belches, stories of the road, and promotional endevours. We power laughed and shot the shit. These are real people.



After we closed up shop, and by that I mean, there was only staff and bands left, and had beer with the head of security, the man not the myth, Mr. Graves. we fucked off into the night, back to the lair to continue drinking into the morning. we got out so much promotional shit they had to remind us we go to them already, sometimes twice. And to those that dont know already...


BOXWAR IS COMING.

SEPTEMBER 7 AND OCTOBER 19, 2OO8.

TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA


A BIG-UP TO MR. MCCONNELL, GREG SOMMERS, BLOODSHOTEYE, NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED, POLKA DOT CADAVER, JOHNNY GRAVES, BLOOR CINEMA, THE ANNEX WRECKROOM, CANADA DRY GINGER ALE, AND CANADA CLUB RYE WHISKEY.


MIX-SHAKE-THROW

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: URSA MEGA, TORONTOS NEW ANTIVILLAN.


ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE PRESENTS
A NEW COMIC BOOK PENTAPELIGIA FROM TORONTO'S
URSA MEGA; EATTING AFTER SLEEPING

ISSUE ZERO: BLOODY POLO, THE NEW STATEMENT

REALLY? IS THERE ANY ON MY BACK?
I GOT A MEETING AT 5 O'CLOCK....
IN THE LIQUOR STORE ALLEY

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE; GRIMEY AS FUCK.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ZUNE CANDY

BACK-DATED

I was in the middle of working out what exactly I was gonna do to OCAD next, when an industry ninja, Jesse Ship, sent me a message. He said if I filled out the forms and acted like a good little consumer bitch, a company responcible for promotions of new and up-coming products was gonna send me a sexy Microsoft ZUNE, Bill Gate's answer to the iPod. It is superior to the iPod in several ways. It will let you upload images and songs from it, and to and from other Zunes, wirelessly.
Apple, you sons a bitches, how dare you hold back this technology? Fuck it... Gates' is doin the same thing, he can fuck himself, too.
anyways, I got this little toy in the mail and still havent got the time to fire the little bitch up. In concert with the candy promos, I got invited to a Vice magazine promo party for Zune, and even though there was a lot of free Red Stripe, which wishes it never met me that night, there was also a lot of little punk bitches there. I'm glad I brought Mr. jackson, the muscle here at Issue Zero, because if need be, we could always drag one, or two of the party poopers out the back way and make it look like an accident. There was a live band, and nobody even dancing. Well, they can get fucked with new and improved technology, too. I stole all the clothes I wore to that event, and in light of the "Do" and "Don't" lists that vice have, I decided that if I was goin on the Don't List, motherfucker, I was goin to the top of it. I stole me some khakis, and a white, white polo shirt, which I liberally splashed movie-grade blood on in a blast pattern. A lady from a Adidas marketing department told me she liked the shirt and complimented me by asking where I bought it, to which I replied...
"I fuckin stole this shirt, and I fuckin splashed fake blood on it...."
(FUCK ADJECTIVES)
Then I realised that she might take advantage of this and try to market this design.
Then I told her, if I saw this fuckin style floating around on Adidas gear, I was coming to get her.
There was no laughing in the last statement.

yeah, right, i forgot... Go Buy A ZUNE. Or "don't", I don't give a shit.. I got mines
PEACE OUT.





ISSUE ZERO: BEAST


A couple of weeks ago I was at Younge and Dundas square to see a band called BEAST, from Montreal. I was given a hot tip by a brother I met in Butterfield park by OCAD. I was trying to get him to give me his neckless pass that appearently got the holder nothing, but, hey, you gotta try everything these days.
He tells me to check these people out. That brother was a third of Candy Coated Killahz. Now, I forgot what three bands he cross-referanced to get me to understand... but I'll tell you what I thought it was like.
1 Raw Digga/Flipmode Squad
2 Portishead
3 Rage Against the Machine
The crowd, not as into the music as I was, clearly deers in headlights, were very disapointing. It's like people that dont know what note is gonna come next are too afraid to look like an idiot if they're dancing when the band deecides to throw a 3/4 time signature in there all of a sudden. This is the type of people that should just stay home if that, and slowing me down from dancing is all their gonna do when come out with the exception of reallllly pissing me off.
The band came on and started into some mellow groves with some nice rising sounds, and got even heavier...and heavier, and crazier. And the only person that was getting people to move away from them cuz they were dancing and loosing their shit was this girl a couple of people over from me.
"What the fuck is wrong with thse people?!"
"No fuckin kidding!"
just when I thought I was going to have to start making people dance, unfortunately in the last song, the heaviest yet, and getting heavier, right at the top of a crusendo, right where there should have been a nice silence, there was a blood-curdled shriek at the top of my lungs...
"FUCK YEAH!!!"
THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN PLACE WENT PSYCHO.
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, PEOPLE, THAT'S HOW.
ISSUE ZREO MAGAZINE DONT DIG WALLCRAWLERS.
WE PAVE THE MOSHPIT FLOOR WITH THEM.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: SEMESTER ONE, STARTING SOON.

SIGN UP NOW!
LIMITED SPACE ONLY!
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
BRING THE KIDS, BEER'S HALF PRICE FOR THE FIRST 100 SEATS.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE:CAMERON SHIRREFFS

A brief introspect to the life of CAMERON SHERIFS.
A while back Mr. robotiks and I went to review the premiere of Workingg Class Rockstar. (An Issue Zero Adventure...Comming soon!) A spokesperson for this virtual periodical brought in an employee of O'Gradys (COLLAGE AND MCCAUL, a student loan sponge) who was gonna make custom ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE HOODIES.

So I says to myself, self, thats some dope hookup.

And it woulda been too... had not our friend took a quick earliy morning trip off his skateboard right under one of Toronto's graveyard powershiftin street-sweepers, which shattered his right elbow, putting the sweaters on hold.

I find all this out from our spokesperson, and think, well, better him than me, right? There but for the grace of God is what my sister would have said.
Fuck right off, I can think what the hell ever I wanna, ya damn slang-junky.

About 150 hours later, I find him sitting at O'Gradys, nursing a beer and a smashed arm in plaster.

"holyfuckyougottabeshittinme"

Cameron informs me that one of the hoodies is done except the letters which I didnt even give a fuck about cuz I was still tryn to forget the images of "shatter blisters" he described from the acceident earlier.


Knowing fully that at any given moment some completely different and likely more distracting event was going to occur, I knodded and empathized with cam about not remembering the actual accident until a week later on his way to move out, on our way to his apartment. At his place, which remended me of a couple places I lived in before. the kind of place thats like a small tourist town, it takes about a day to see it all, but fits into a two room . I hadnt seen this type of creative freedom since my Old Man put the "throw things just to see where they fall" attitude in me back in '89.
But is it the good shit man? the hoody is killer quality; a design on wax paper, to a transfer, to the hoody, then sewn on.
Cam made rockin hoodys in an apartment that all the kings tow trucks and forensics scientists couldnt pull "double helix" oudova text book.
Mr. Sharifs is currently scrathing a blister with a long stick under his cast while he tries to think of a good way to build his case agaisnt the city for damages. I think he has a good case.
He's available throught ISSUEZERO@GMAIL.COM
His gear goes for $30/T-shirt. It's totally worth it. Take it from a guy that has toiled over textiles and the profit margin for this art form; the process that creates their awesome effects is a bitch to pull off this good, and is therefor a wicked deal for killer actually unique gear.
BELOW: TAXI DRIVER, PYSCHO, AND BOMBER PLANE