A STRONGHOLD OF PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, WRITERS, AND CERTIFIABLE A-1 LUNATIC GUERRILLA PROMOTERS OF OUR GREAT FROZEN TUNDRA. WE GOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR....

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FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: The Jimmer; OFFICIALLY A LEGEND

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and if that's true, then I had some influence form other planets, too. When people say that it takes more muscles and effort to make a grimace then a smile, they didn't take into account how easy it is to hold a gruge, when you don't need even a single digit to squeeze it. Similarly, you can't bury a hatchet if it's metaphorical, and really when would you be burying a hatchet anyways? Thats right...
You can't tell me that there is a God, and then tell me that revenge and justafiable retrabution is a man-made concept, especially when you consider that irony is a random consequence.
In the defence of a man that, not only held a large knife collection and used to collect unpiad monies for unnnamed parties from definately unnameable peopele, I say to nobody in particular, anybody that dies with a secret, passes it on.
Here's a couple from the man, not the myth.
  • When making a "heaters" pizza, always pour bannana pepper juice on it to burn the customers asshole the next day.
  • You can drink as much as you want, and do what ever you want, but if you loose a fight, you're fired.
  • If your general gait and smell of war excreating from your brow can't offer the same level of intimadation that the beard of a lynx, coke-bottle glasses, and a hellahuge beer gut do, then you're clearly doing something wrong.
  • Always size your oppenent up against the door of a pizza oven.

Wise words, Jimbo, Wise words.

Get some fuckin sleep, buddy, I know you ain't Restin' In Peace.