ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ISSUE ZERO: The Complete Guide to the Teddy Bears Picnic: the Molitov Cocktail

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Monday, March 24, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: The Complete Guide to the Teddy Bears Picnic: the Molitov Cocktail

If you've ever accidentally set a bottle of lighter fluid on fire, and instead of running, you just kinda, stared at it, as it burnt through the coffee table, all glassy in the eyes, then the Molitov Cocktail is your new best friend.

When Soviet People’s Commissar for Foreign Affairs Vyacheslav Molotov claimed in radio broadcasts that the Soviet Union was not dropping bombs but rather delivering food to the starving Finns, the Finns started to call the air bombs Molotov bread baskets.^[2] Soon they responded by attacking advancing tanks with “Molotov cocktails.” At first the term was used to describe only the burning mixture itself, but in practical use the term was soon applied to the combination of both the bottle and its contents. This Finnish use of the hand- or sling-thrown explosive against Soviet tanks was repeated in the subsequent Continuation War. Molotov cocktails were eventually mass-produced by the Alko corporation at its Rajamäki distillery, bundled with matches to light them. Production totalled 450,000 during the Winter War. The original design of Molotov cocktail was a mixture of ethanol, tar, and gasoline in a 750 ml bottle. The bottle had two long pyrotechnic storm matches attached to either side. Before use one or both of the matches was lit; when the bottle broke on impact, the mixture ignited. The storm matches were found to be safer to use than a burning rag on the mouth of the bottle.
-WIKIPEDIA

Well, it says there that there's a safer way to make a Moli, (my pet name for the party favor) but to them I say, go turn in your balls and get a whole new line of g-strings before summer gets here, Susan.
The best part about the Moli?
It's so easy to make.
You probably made one, and didn't even know it.

MATERIALS:
- 1 liter bottle (I prefer Vino Magnums)
- Sweet, sweet Gasolina.
- A piece of cloth. (The lone sock left after the goblin raid)

PROCEDURE:
-COMBINE ALL THREE
(Fuck, if you can't figure this one out, I might as well come over to your place and help myself out to your fridge while I make one for you, Susan)
-Shake, Light, Throw Far Away.

ISSUE ZERO WOULD LIKE TO ADVISE THOSE IN FAVOR OF USING OUR ILL-ADVISED TOOLS OF THE TRADE; FINGER PRINTS BURN ON, NOT OFF.