A STRONGHOLD OF PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, WRITERS, AND CERTIFIABLE A-1 LUNATIC GUERRILLA PROMOTERS OF OUR GREAT FROZEN TUNDRA. WE GOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR....

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FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: SKULLMAN'S CALL TO BATTLE

A couple of months back, I went to the Phoenix Concert hall to see my favourite band, CLUTCH. In the pit, where I was found on more than one occation sporting the de-fluffed head of a stuffed bear, I bounced off a guy I'd seen at more than one of CLUTCHs shows. (The fact that he's of a fuckin brickshithouse stature didn't convince him to jackhammer me through the floor at the Opera House in '02 when I grabbed him by the head, clearly outta my mind, and pranced about the moshpit screaming at the moon. Obviously, a good guy)
Did I mention the fact ALL the times I seen him at the shows he was wearing a full-head skull mask? No, eh? huh....
But the last show of CLUTCH was special. Turns out he has the right to film the shows. Not only was issue zero there in full force, drunk as fuck and high as hell, We were caught on camera. Why? Cuz I didn't leave the pit for pretty fuckin much the whole show, that's why.
Ask ChemicalRobotiks... I was outta congoddamnedtrol.
So... months later, I find a metal promoter from Inertia Entertainment. He tells me he's responsible for bringing CLUTCH to Toronto about 12 times. I say, "Oh yeah? Did you go to the last one?" Both the head-bouncer at the Phoenix show (standing next to Inertia-man) and Inertia-man nodded.
I then said "Oh yeah? Did you see that guy dive off the stage and land on his ass 10 feet down when everyone moved and then get dragged out kicking and screaming?" while smiling like 'oh, you're fuckin right that was me.'
"you're the guy in the bear mask...?"
I guess in the context that I was in a suit and tie at a swank little photo gallery in Yorkville when I had this conversation with these two gentlemen would put the weirdness at 'high.'
Anyways...
they told me all about SKULLMAN, and his productions, in exchange for the dirty little tricks I used to get backstage at three clutch shows, and how Neil fallon came out to shake my hand at the koolhuas show.
(It wasn't a trade, so much as me proudly bragging.)
The hunt was on. I found what I thought was the email for this crazy motherfucker and asked for the footage.
Not expecting anything, I got word back from
"I have some great footage of that show, I taped it all. your in it.
I have no problem giving you a DVD copy of it on 1 condition.
You fight by my side on my team in my next Box War.
You can make your own costume or one will be provided for you.
I don't ask for much but this is the way it goes for a copy."
Drive a hard bargin? Fuck, he might as well just given it to me.
I dont need encouragement to play with a jerry can of gas, why would I need any here?
Why dont you go to the above sites, and see what the fuck I fully just signed my ass up for. Just look at the pictures.
I'm gonna get fucked up.
ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE IS GOING TO (BOX)WAR, FOR THE RIGHTEOUS "SKULLMAN ROCKERS."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES,
MEMBERS OF THE RESPECTIVE PRESSES,
BRING YOUR OWN GURNEY.

1 comment:

Ian said...

Are you doing the boxwars thing? work up your swinging arms, no one ever dies in cardboard!