ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ISSUE ZERO: dance, or get the fuck outta my way

FOR ALL LAWYERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS

THE METHODS OF PERSUASION USED BY THE ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE "STREET TEAM" ARE COMMITTED BY A FACTION OF OUR ADMINISTRATION, AND THOUGH WE SUPPORT THEM IN VOICE, THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT OUR OWN.

OBJECTIVES SUCH AS:
1 STICKER PLACEMENT ON SOUGHT AFTER, GENRE AND STYLE-SPECIFIC PRODUCTS, I.E. CD'S, CLOTHING, BOOKS AND SIGNS,
2 USE OF STENCILS AND AEROSOL, INK,
3 POSTERS AND TICKET TAPING,
4 RAISING AWARENESS IN ANY FORM, AND IN ANY ELEMENT, OR MEDIA.

THESE ARE THE ACTIONS OF RENEGADE, GUERRILLA PROMOTIONS OFFICERS WHO RAISE OUR FLAG.

THX, MGMT

Saturday, January 26, 2008

ISSUE ZERO: dance, or get the fuck outta my way

Why do some people go to a concert, especially for those that play some funky GAT DAM music, and not dance? I don’t get it. Its like they came just to get pissed off about me bumping into them while in the throws of getting down. I fuckin hate wall crawlers. I plan on seeing George Clinton at the Phoenix on feb. 25. If there’s even one person not dancing, I’m going to jail for assault with a plastic cup.

Too many times have I gone to a show and have to apollogize to hapless douche-bag for funkin into their comfort zone. What in the curly goatee of Satan did they even come for? Why would someone pay to go see a show where social interaction is a bare fuckin minimum, when they know people like me are coming? I feel like getting a hundred people i know to go just so we can flash-mob them and pass the murder-one buck like an "I-DUNNO" shrug makin a wave like the ones at the ACC during a Raptor sweep.

P.S. Should you be one of those people reading this right now, please, do us funky-folk a favor and go kill yourself real messy-like in a bus terminal tiolet stall. But don't tell anybody.