Issue Zero: Release the Zombie Hordes.

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm a well adjusted member of society. I'll hold the door for people, give the elderly my seat on the bus, and try my damnedest not to violate every starbucks I enter. But nobody's perfect. Sometimes we slip up, and a naughty thought enters our heads. Sometimes when we should be doing something else, like paying attention to how much over the speed limit you're going, like holding on to the wood as it goes through the band saw, like the total disregard for fellow human beings when it comes to the volume knob (guilty!)... the list goes on.
My favorite fantasy, next to a couple involving my lovely fiance, is the one where someone in a crowd drops dead, right there. and then, just when the mob around the infected is at its thickest, that dead guy would come to, with the look that I get at some steakhouse at dinner time in their eyes, and just start biting and clawing at people. Fuck it, it's my dellusion, they'd start eating themselves, but likely that wouldn't happen until they ran out of screaming, panic-stricken, meals-in-sneakers, which i'm deducing, wouldnt be too far away.
This fantasy happens to strike my fancy every time shopping mania is at its zenith, Christmas, Valentines Day, and some others just to start. but allways whenever I pass a GAP, H&M, MacDonalds, and every single Starbucks.