ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE: ZOMBIE STRIPPERS, IT DON'T GET BETTER THAN THAT.

Some people are frightened, or disgusted by the idea(l) that the recently deceased, could not only get up, and not only walk around, but slowly, or my personal favorite, running and vomiting blood and screaming towards you with the intent to eat you.
I say, what the fuck is wrong with these people?
Where the hell do these primates keep their damn sense of humor?
Who the hell knows.
Interestingly enough, though, these people are the ones to get bitten right away, and transform into not only the solution to the too many assholes problem, but leaves the door open to (re)kill them at your leisure, or wait for when your own ass is on the line.

Right.

This a review of a movie, not my literal gallivanting through the tulips and flesh-eating Utopian Armageddon.

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS.

Only 20 minutes in, and I'm laughing, real hard.
Not since the Re-Penetrator have I chuckled to myself, and thought, God Bless Hollywood.

After the first stripper in the club,(run by the ultra foul mouthed guy that plays Freddy Crugger,) is sacked right off the stage by a lone zombie flying tackle, AND has her throat ripped out. She comes back to life, goes into the dressing room and tells the coven of Pros that shes never felt so alive.
She goes back on stage, and gives a pretty good performance considering the gushing neck wound, at the end of which, udder silence in the bar erupts into cheers and money throwing of approval.

Some people would find this tasteless.
I personally find it on a free movie site on the web and haven't looked back yet.

Every guy will admit, a good show versus a bad show at the rippers is like the difference between a 7 dollar beer for no good reason, and a 7 dollar beer to have the shit half scared out of you.
There have been lots of less than note-worthy trips to the titty bar. Only twice can I say for sure that the show was fuckin killer. And for my Wife-to-be, let me just clarify, and for the others, I'm not even talking to you Fuck Offs.

It ain't about tits and ass and gash.

Oh no. It's much more.

It's a bunch of dangerous people, guys annnd girls.
It's BLINDING heavy metal.
It's smokey, dark, caves of bars, with bathrooms full of druggies, and a bike show in the parking lot.
It's your buddy getting told to "fuck off then" when he doesn't buy a shot from the half-naked shooter girl.
And its a chick in front getting busy proper.

Now, THAT'S entertainment.

The people there for the girls ALONE, aren't gettin it at home, AND the bar must suck.


I really think you should see this movie.
Some of the above mentioned perks of a strip club are not in this movie, but where they lack in reality, they make up with zombies eating and killing and eating.

Good times.

ISSUE ZERO MAGAZINE LIKES CRAZY.
OH, FUCK YEAH, WE SURE DO.